Six Things I Have in Common With San Francisco Giants Pitcher Hayden Birdsong

Certainly my stupidest idea yet

1. I, like San Francisco Giants pitcher Hayden Birdsong, started a new job this week.
   
   Birdsong, the Giants’ sixth round draft pick in 2022, was promoted to the major leagues on Wednesday. With several starting pitchers hurt and the Giants clinging to the fringes of the NL Wild Card race, the team was forced to call upon their 22-year-old rookie (who made the jump to AAA just ten days prior) for an emergency start against the Cubs. On his first day at his new office, Birdsong pitched 4.2 innings, allowed three runs, and struck out five.
   
   Under somewhat less consequential circumstances, I also just had my first day in a new role. At the risk of doxxing myself in front of the four or five people reading this blog that I don’t know personally, I started on Monday as a grant writer for an environmental nonprofit. And as I caught the news of Birdsong’s promotion sometime between onboarding meetings, I couldn’t help but wonder whether his first day of work was at all similar to my own.

   

   Obviously the working life of a professional athlete is not much like that of a mid-level nonprofit staffer—never was it suggested that my entire family be invited to the office to cheer me on as I sent my first email, for example—but I suspect that some parts of the new job experience are consistent regardless of industry, prestige, or 40-man roster status.

   
   Did Birdsong head to the office early and sit in his car for a couple deep breaths before walking in, as I did? Did he forget to bring his I-9 verification documents, as I did? Did he have to sit through several hours of those online anti-harrassment trainings that automatically pause when you try to click into another window, and then have to do them again because the system automatically logged him out while he was watching, as I did?
   
   I had plenty of time to ponder these questions during the aformentioned training videos (which are, let’s be clear, important but also could use some editing for length). And I contend that, despite our differences, there are at least six things Hayden Birdsong and I have in common.

2. Working now for a much larger organization than I have in the past, I am for the first time experiencing the joys of matrix management. I report to a manager on my local team as well as one at our intergalactic headquarters. Never mind that HQ is at the same location as my regional office, that my HQ boss doesn’t actually work onsite, and that each of them has given me conflicting direction as to whom I report to for what. I get the sense that my understanding of management is a bit beside the point, and who else could understand that feeling better than young Master Birdsong?
   
   The role of MLB Managers is notoriously uncertain. The General Manager (or, more often these days, President of Baseball Operations) makes the hiring/firing decisions, and directs the Manager on day-to-day personnel moves. The Pitching Coach, we can assume, coaches the pitchers…unless of course that’s the Assistant Pitching Coach, or one of three “Major League Coaches” listed in the Giants’ directory. But this coterie of uniformed coaches are downstream of a Pitching Coordinator and several Pitching Instructors, themselves advised by a ballooning roster of Analysts, Coordinators, SVPs, and Special Advisor to the the President Barry Bonds.
   
   So what does Birdsong’s actual Manager, Bob Melvin do? We know he comes to the mound to take the ball away when Birdsong’s day is done, we know he gives a post-game performance review to the assembled media (can you imagine?), and we have a pretty good sense that he regulates the amount of pusoy that is played in the clubhouse after last year’s team got obsessed with the game to the detriment of their practice schedule. He probably also approves Birdsong’s PTO requests, unless of course he has his Bench Coach do it for him.
   

3. Both of our organizations have Bay Area, Sacramento, Mid-Atlantic, and North Coast regional offices. That doesn’t mean anything, but it sure is an odd coincidence!
   

4. Neither of us did all that much work on our first day. Birdsong threw 97 pitches against the Cubs, facing 22 batters. Two and a third times through the order is no small thing, particularly in our era of strict pitch count limits. But with a total game time of 2:25 he probably spent no more than an hour on the mound, even counting warmups. And for that effort, he gets the next four days off!
   
   For my part, I spent the bulk of my first day snooping on other people’s Google calendars and trying to log into Salesforce. One of my various and sundry managers took me out for lunch, which was a nice touch. I recorded zero strikeouts, zero walks, and maintained my pristine 0.00 ERA.

5. Here’s a fun fact: of 23,254 players to make the major leagues, only three have been named Hayden. Here’s an even funner fact: two of them played in the same game on Wednesday. Hold on to your horses because things are about to get really fun up in here: those two Haydens faced off as opposing starting pitchers—Birdsong for the Giants and Wesneski for the Cubs.
   
   One assumes the Giants did not take this meaningless bit of trivia into account when calling up Birdsong, nor did they likely consider the fact that I would also end up meeting another Andrew M at my job that day, but truth is often stranger than fiction. See? This isn’t contrived at all!
   

6. I, like San Francisco Giants Pitcher Hayden Birdsong, am a 6’4”, 215lb righty with a 98 mph fastball, deceptive 12-to-6 curveball, and a work-in-progress slider. I, like San Francisco Giants Pitcher Hayden Birdsong, have strong stuff that plays up in short bursts, but will need to take a step forward with my command if I want to stick in the starting rotation. I, like San Francisco Giants Pitcher Hayden Birdsong, was ranked as the Giants’ #5 prospect by Baseball America and their #17 prospect by Fangraphs.