I attended my first game of the season on Sunday, a sunny afternoon start between the Giants and Pirates. I settled in early with some take-out dumplings and a beer, ready for a relaxing day at the park but also—as a newly-hatched baseball analyst—remaining alert to any scoops for my beloved readers. A blogger never rests.
And sure enough, Sunday’s game produced a story I am uniquely equipped to tell—just not one I could see from the grandstands.
Having already admitted to my scorekeeping habit, it is thankfully no more embarrassing to admit that I recently purchased a handheld AM/FM radio so I could listen to John and Dave from the ballpark. So during the bottom of the fourth inning, with rookie phenom Jared Jones on the mound, Dave Flemming notes a bit of drama unfolding among the kayakers paddling in McCovey Cove. A man, he explains with a laugh, has capsized and is struggling to re-enter his boat.
Now, I’ve worked on and off as a kayak guide since college and have had my fair share of out-of-boat experiences. I’m intrigued. But I can’t see the near side of the cove from my place in the upper deck and am thus cut off from the action. Thankfully the TV cameras were alert to this man’s misfortune and I was able to retrace the saga when I got home.
Let’s dive right in. I’m using timestamps from the home broadcast archive on MLB.TV in case you’d like to follow along and fill out your own incident report.
Top 4, 56:40
The Giants just put up three runs in the third, Keaton Winn is dealing, and all is well in the Cove. Conditions look quite good for paddling!
We’ll soon be introduced to our victim, Blue Kayak Guy. I think that’s him in the lower third, just left of center, partially obscured by the Xfinity ad. He’s still upright and apparently dry.
Bottom 4, 1:02:55
Oh no! Six minutes later and things have already gone to hell.
We get our first proper look at Blue Kayak Guy and he’s already sans kayak. He’s also, astute observers will note, sans paddle and lifejacket. Not exactly what you want. I’m a lifejacket evangelist, but I think losing all your gear is arguably the bigger sin here: it’s much harder to get rescued when you’re separated from your craft.
Anyway, Guy is visibly and understandably displeased with the situation, but he looks like he can swim a little bit, plus he’s still got his sunnies and what appears to be an MLB logo ballcap. (He must come from the Rob Lowe school of sports fandom.) Somebody’s there with him, so my first impression is that this is more mishap than emergency.
This shot comes and goes without comment from Kruk and Kuip, who have yet to recognize the comic potential of this man’s misfortune. Sadly the capsize must have occurred during the inning break, so we don’t get too much context on how he ended up in this situation.
1:05:00
Blue Kayak Guy has sefely found his way to a haul-out behind the ferry dock and some kindly paddlers (we’ll meet them in a moment) have helped him recover his stricken vessel. You can’t quite tell from this screengrab, but as he wrestles with the boat we can see that his rear cockpit cover is off and the back hatch has filled with water. It appears our friend has suffered the dreaded Cleopatra’s Needle.1
Most modern sea kayaks are composed of three sections—two hatches fore and aft with a center cockpit—separated by solid bulkheads. If either hatch fills up, it will sink, throwing the other end up in the air and most likely ruining your day. This is the sort of thing I heard kayak old-timers talking about around the campfire, as a warning to always check our hatch straps before launching. Some of those stories ended with sunken boats.
Our man is lucky that his cockpit hasn’t also been submerged (he also wasn’t wearing a spray skirt), but he is nonetheless fighting a losing battle. These boats are so heavy when full that he has zero chance of hauling it all the way up on that deck. The TV guys have taken notice: “As far as I can see it's kayak one, guy nothing,” Kuip cracks.
1:05:30
Blue Kayak Guy continues his futile attempts to haul up his boat. I’m heartened to see that local microcelebrity McCovey Cove Dave has joined in the rescue efforts. Dave is a fixture at Giants games, having caught more than 50 home run balls from his surf ski, of which I am very jealous. In a moment we can make out that the other rescuer styles himself “Mark the Shark” and paddles with a toy shark strapped to his bow. Kayakers tend to be amiable folk and will happily come to your rescue—it’s nice to see some positive representation for the community here in spite of Kayak Guy’s foibles.
The broadcast booth clowns on Guy a little bit for his struggle with the kayak. Kruk admits that, as a farm boy, he wouldn’t stand a chance either. Kuip calls the whole episode “way entertaining.”
1:05:54
The rescue party has settled on a new strategy: Mark the Shark has produced a plastic cup and is bailing water from the back hatch. Do none of these people carry a pump? That is truly sea kayak malpractice. Every boat should go out with a pump and float for exactly this scenario. Worse, my guy is wearing sneakers with socks. Even if he doesn’t capsize, he’s going home with wet tootsies, which is often a fate worse than sinking.
1:07:06
The broadcast checks in one more time before going to commercial. Rescue efforts seem to be continuing apace. A few words are exchanged between Kayak Guy and a curious fellow wearing a Sombrero and piloting some kind of homemade pedal boat. Kayak Guy has that suburban-dad-confronting-a-disorderly-teen posture going on but, given the circumstances, I think he’s better off just wearing it.
Top 5, 1:10:50
Much has occurred since we last checked in with our favorite maritime miscreant. The Pirates have quickly put two runners on base, and the broadcast has rightly shifted their attention back to the game. But during a meeting on the mound, some kindly producer, surely thinking of me, grants us one last look-in on the cove. Blue Kayak Guy has managed to haul up his now-emptied boat and is wringing out his soaked sunshirt. (What’s your plan, Guy? Just gonna walk that thing home?) Someone has reunited him with his paddle.
And so ends the saga of the blue kayak. Though the whole thing looked a little silly in real time, this guy is lucky to be walking away with everything but his dignity. With absolutely none of the proper training or equipment, this could have gone much worse for him. My services are available for any kayakers who would like a paddle partner to the next homestand.
Inside the ballpark, Keaton Winn holds the Pirates to a run in the fifth inning and the Giants bullpen hangs on for the win. Joey Bart, traded from San Francisco to Pittsburgh just a few weeks ago, comes up to bat with runners on and two outs in the ninth, but does not exact his revenge. I beat the rush to the bike pickup window and make it to BART ahead of the exiting crowd. In all, a beautiful day for a paddle.
The name Cleopatra’s Needle, apparently, comes from the visual similarity between an up-pointed kayak and these Egyptian obelisks of the same name. I can see the resemblance.
It’s always nice when two of your passions collide and no one gets hurt.